Disappointment

I’m disappointed in you. You used to tell me you dreamt of working with girls like me, showing them how to be strong and kind. You used to hold me accountable and teach me lessons. You used to say you weren’t dating, you said you’d take a year off, you’d focus on yourself. You promised a lot and didn’t come through. You used to text me daily, now you won’t answer me at all.

I’m disappointed in you too. You used to drive me around and tell me about yourself. You helped me live here, and now you’re gone. You used to send me updates and laugh at my silliness. You helped me through dark times. You supported my crazy ideas.

I’m also disappointed in you. You have it all together, and that together doesn’t include me anymore. You used to meet up with me and let me tell you funny stories. You tried to set me up with a guy, and I was so happy, but it fell through. You let me volunteer in your office, and now I don’t know where your office is.

But I’m not really disappointed in any of you; I just miss you all. I can’t send you my writing, I can’t talk to you about my selfish desires, I can’t text you when I’m lonely and want a shoulder to lean on. You all grew up. You moved, you started a business, you had a kid. I didn’t want you to grow up and move on. I wanted to keep reading with you, eating with you, talking with you.

So I guess I’m not actually disappointed in you; I’m disappointed in me. I guess I have some growing up to do.

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